day seven. late? yup. you guessed it.

maaaan... i'm just terrible at this "everyday" thing... this is why i was never able to keep a journal in the first place. i did the whole blog thing thinking it'd be an easier way for my fingers to keep up with my brain... the only problem is finding the time for the two to connect.

today was another rough one. but... i was thinking earlier about the thing that makes it all worth it for me - what will, without fail, ALWAYS put a smile on my face - is the people in my life. i am seriously SO blessed. between my family, my roommates, my best friends, my teammates (old and new!), my folkies and even my co-workers... my life couldn't be any better!

this is me with my best friend, ari. and although we are dressed as salt and pepper shakers, believe it or not, this girl is my sanity. and being with her, laughing with her, dancing with her, hugging her and singing with her make me the happiest i can be, even this far from home. partly because... she is home :)

hi juss luff her so muuuch...

this is the perfect way that i could describe our relationship:
"friendship is born the moment when one person says to another, "what? you too? i thought i was the only one!" (thank you, c.s. lewis!)

turns out, great minds really do think alike! hehe... 

this is my day seven of valentines day. all for ari :)

day six. on time.

day six. holy cow... we're almost halfway done!! truth be told, i'm running out of lovey-dovey ideas for songs. now, i haven't really given a lot of thought to all of this but... with what i came up with off the top of my head, i'm running out of ideas. a little research is going to have to be put in if i'm really gonna keep this up for another 8 days... to be honest, i don't even know what i'm writing about right now...

love is one of those really tricky things. love is wonderful, love hurts, love lifts us up, love sets limitations... its a very contradicting. but yet... its an essential thing that you need in your life. you need that contradiction. there's the constant argument over whether there's that person that is made for you and whether we could honestly make a relationship and have true love with anybody... after talking with my dentist one time, (he gave me another one of his "pearls of wisdom") he told me that he had observed many families and relationship over the years and seen them either blossom or just fall to pieces. he mentioned my parents and family specifically. i don't think he has too many people that come into his office that are members of the LDS church. but just knowing my family and our situations alone, he saw just enough to know how unique we are and how unique our view of the world is... he said he noted that over the years, he'd taken note of the different ways that people define love, the different ways which they "see" love in others. most people these days don't seem to care about religion and where they stand on the political scale of things and like that... i know my parents don't agree on everything in life! my dentist did say that the unique thing about my parent's relationship (and he assumed LDS marriages in general) is that they work toward a common goal.

i feel kinda like i'm teaching sunday school in doing this, but hear me out. if you look at the image above, you can see that the arrows pointing up from husband and wife were to keep going they would meet each other - at GOD. they work toward one goal - getting to God, getting to heaven. none of this physical/sexual attraction stuff. they see that there is so much more to work for than just now... and they do just that. they work together for a common goal, and they make it there. together.

day five. late. again.

you know those people that you would do anything for? how far does that go...? ludo tells us just how far they would go. lemme tell ya, they have some pretty awesome things happen to them... but that doesn't mean anything because they don't have anyone to share their stories with. they would give up all of their stories and adventures to be with one person they love. they want nothing more than to grow old with the one they love.

"Anything for You" by LUDO

My ancestors planted some sequoias by a road

I've driven down that road since I was born

Oh, never have you ever seen so many perfect evergreens

But I would chop them all down just for you

I have walked a million miles in a hundred pairs of shoes

In search of some universal truth

Well a deity just came to me and handed me a scroll to read

And I will gladly pass it on to you.

CHORUS

Anything for you

All of this is true

But the best story that I could ever tell

Is the one where I am growing old with you.

I was having rotten luck and nothing went my way

'Til I stumbled on a clearing in the woods.

I found a town of leprechauns and grabbed each one for wishing on

But I would let them all go just for you.

I have crossed a natural plane and communed with the dead

But people always seem to want some proof.

No one even would believe, my love, that evil I got pictures of

But I would throw them all out just for you.

CHORUS

My scar is from a polar bear, my curse is from a witch,

I've caught a giant squid in all the seven seas.

I've picked up rocks from distant moons astronomers will discover soon

But I would give them all back just for you.

I've gotten drunk and shot the breeze with kings of far off lands

They showed me wealth as far as I could see.

But their kingdoms seemed all shrivelly and they cried with jealousy

When I leaned in and told them about you.

I'd give up anything

(Anything for you)

I'd give it all

(All of this is true)

But the best story that I could ever tell

Is the one where I am growing old with you.

All I've ever wanted, see, was to tell you honestly

I'd do anything for you.

I'd do absolutely anything for you.

adorable? yes. i just love this song... "the best story that i could ever tell is the one where i am growing old with you." but what about all those wrinkles, you ask? as much as i don't want them, i know that true love will look past and live past those wrinkles. yay for love :)

day four. late.

here i sit. on what used to be the 5th day of valentines, but its now officially the 6th, writing about the 4th... man. if that's not the story of my life right there, i don't know what is. you know how life just catches up with you sometimes?? yeup. that's definitely what happened this week. some of my thought s weren't as lovely as others, but... i still am making a conscious effort to be better at...being happy...about love...and stuff...like that. haha...

anywho. back to day four... where else to go now except back to the start of it all? at least... the start of it all for me, haha.

NSYNC!!

yes. that's right. 'nsync. my first love. this isn't one of their very first songs, but its still an absolute classic.

When the visions around you,

Bring tears to your eyes

And all that surround you,

Are secrets and lies

I'll be your strength,

I'll give you hope,

Keeping your faith when it's gone

The one you should call,

Was standing here all along..

And I will take

You in my arms

And hold you right where you belong

Till the day my life is through

This I promise you

This I promise you

I've loved you forever,

In lifetimes before

And I promise you never...

Will you hurt anymore

I give you my word

I give you my heart (give you my heart)

This is a battle we've won

And with this vow,

Forever has now begun...

Just close your eyes (close your eyes)

Each loving day (each loving day)

I know this feeling won't go away (no..)

Till the day my life is through

This I promise you..

This I promise you..

Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)

When I hear you call

Without you in my life baby

I just wouldn't be living at all...

And I will take (I will take you in my arms)

You in my arms

And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)

Till the day my life is through

This I promise you baby

Just close your eyes

Each loving day (each loving day)

I know this feeling won't go away (no..)

Every word I say is true

This I promise you

Every word I say is true

This I promise you

Ooh, I promise you...

honestly, what is there to not love about this song? to be honest, i think my favorite part about this song is that it not only mentions "forever" but "lifetimes before"... love is eternal. just like everything else that is perfect :)

day three.

you know that movie "stardust"? yeah, its pretty amazing.

i have decided to watch a chick flick (of some kind or degree) every night in celebration of the fourteen days of valentines. is this a waste of my time? typically, yes. however, i have taken it upon myself to learn about love, so i'm going to, dangit!! and that includes what to do and what NOT to do in relation to love. so why not learn from those in movies? i mean, they're all real situations, right? riiight...

anywho. stardust. i watched it last night (kinda. i fell asleep pretty fast... but that's beside the point...) I LOVE THIS MOVIE. if you haven't seen it, SEE IT. i feel its a modern-day "princess bride" (not that... princess bride is THAT old...)

its about a star that falls from the sky and is now in human form. she has been taken "hostage" as a gift for a woman that the man, tristan, is solely set on marrying. the only problem is, the girl will only marry him if he brings her back something magnificent from ""the other side of the wall." specifically this star. now, as they begin their journey, the star, names yvaine, does not like being attached to, and forced to follow this boy, tristan. throughout their journey of meeting pirates, witches, princes, goats, and men-who-chirp-like-a-bird, tristan and yvaine begin to fall for each other. (typical, right?) there is one point in the movie where tristan has been turned into a mouse, and yvaine is so worried about him that she confesses the following:

“You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars... pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I’m trying to say, Tristan is...I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange...no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.”

isn't that just beautiful? now, i'm sure you can predict the ending, but that's beside the point. go back and read it all again. i mean, REALLY read it.

*re-reads quote*

(PS if you didn't get anything out of that, i'm just gonna say that you're a LOST CAUSE.)

the first time i saw this movie, this quote, RIGHT HERE, solidified my love for the movie... love is such a complicated thing. but... this quote shows you how simple it can be, and how powerful a simple thing like love can be. "i'd wish for nothing in exchange... nothing bu knowing you loved me, too."

three simple words. "i love you." those words are the solution to all of your problems!! all you have to do is say those words and truly mean them, and it can make all the difference in the world. it can make all the difference TO the world. yvaine was right - there are a lot of sad and terrible things that happen in our world. thank goodness for love, or there'd be nothing to wake up for tomorrow.


yvaine glows when she is happy... when she feels love!

love game.

so... since we're supposed to eat chocolate every day and everything... here's a little game to help keep you from going too far. or... it may make you eat all the chocolate you own in one sitting. confused? read on.

here are the rules to "the love game" according to lynette (and since she came up with it, she can make the rules!):

If you play this game well, it can help you fulfill your duty of eating chocolate every day!

FIRST.
get some candy (chocolate is clearly preferred) and put it in a bowl in a place MOST tempting for you.

NEXT.
get some writing utensils and surfaces, (ie notecards and pens or pencils and paper, etc.) and place them next to the candy.

NOW.
whenever you want to eat some of that delicious chocolate, you must write down one thing you love for that ONE piece of chocolate.

The rewards for this game are many:
1) you get chocolate.
2) you get to count your many blessings.
3) if you are like me and crave chocolate when you are depressed, you are forced to think of happy things before you eat said chocolate.

"Now think lovely thoughts..."


chocolate + love = perfection.

day two. officially.

wow. three posts in one day. this is getting out of control...

anywho.

day two.

new song. completely different direction. kinda...

"Love Hurts" by Incubus



LYRICS:
Tonight we drink to youth and holding fast to truth
Don't wanna lose what I had as a boy
My heart still has a beat but love is now a feat
As common as a cold day in LA

BRIDGE
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

CHORUS
Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive

Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'Cause without love I won't survive

I'm fettered and abused, stand naked and accused
Should I surface this one man submarine?
I only want the truth so tonight we drink to youth
I'll never lose what I had as a boy


take-home message: love hurts. that's all there is to it. no matter how much you love, it doesn't always work out. this could be for lots of reasons: break-up, death, etc. truth is, when you have a companion with you that can suddenly be ripped away from you... that hurts. when you give your love, something that is a part of you, to someone else, and they don't reciprocate or... disappear, or something, it hurts. BUT. (two things) 1)that is such a great thing, and if you think about it... we have been given the AMAZING opportunity TO love. to experience those feelings, those desires... and what wonderful feelings those are!! they really do make us feel alive. without love, we would be alone... we would not feel alive. and 2) when we are in love and ARE loved, we feel as if nothing bad could happen. if we all had love in us, nothing bad would happen in the world. i truly believe that... *sigh* i don't know what else to say except... love is just so wonderful :)

day one. unofficially.

i absolutely love music. it speaks better to me than anything else ever has. and i understand it, too... that's the crazy part. i have a feeling a lot of the things that i share over the next few weeks will be a song of some kind.

so. here it is. day one. and who else could start it off better than bryce avary, also known as the rocket summer...? you'll have to answer that yourself.

but here... take a listen. fall in love.

"So Much Love" by The Rocket Summer



LYRICS:

Hearts need a beat, like awake needs asleep
Like a pen needs a page, to learn right you need a mistake

Hearts need a mind, like a clock needs the time
Like white needs black, if you leave I hope you need to come back

BRIDGE
Oh, I swear, I know, I believe it
Oh, I can't stop hearing all the singing
Oh, my soul has never had this feeling
and it feels like gold

CHORUS
You got so much love in you
You got so much love in you
I'm amazed that I'm talkin' to you
You look like the songs that I've heard my whole life coming true

Strike all the bells, hit 'em hard make 'em all yell
Celebrate, infatuate, lock us up yeah incarcerate oh!

BRIDGE

CHORUS (X2)

take ho me message: everything has a companion in this life. no one is meant to go through it alone. LOVE can be that companion. and even better? its something that you can SHARE with others and that can bring those that you share it with TOGETHER. what more could you want from life? make love your companion, and you will have many much more companions to share it with :)

the fourteen days of valentines.

now, i'm a little belated in starting this, but... technically i started on facebook yesterday. i just didn't think to do it on my blog until just now :)

anywho. it is now february. a brand new month. a time to find a new focus. since this month is the month of love, why not take some time to truly learn of love and the many forms it can take? that is what i have challenged myself to do.

i've never been a huge fan of valentine's day, and in more recent years, i have become a fan of calling it the cynical "singles-awareness day." well, NOT THIS YEAR! i plan to change my viewpoint this year. my good friend, lynette, celebrates the 14 days of valentine's day. though she celebrates a more hardcore version than i do (i figure i'll wean myself into her super-excited ways, haha...)she is the reason i have decided to so this.

here are the specific rules for the 14 days of valentines:

1. Wear something pink or red every day
2. Eat some chocolate every day
3. Find a new love quote everyday (any kind of love, romantic love, friend love, gospel love, it all works)
4. Read other talks, articles, etc. on love.
5. Listen to love songs. Obviously. NO breakup songs. That is like the cardinal sin of Valentine's Day, only slightly behind wearing black on V-day, that's just blasphemous people.
And finally.
6. SHOW love by doing at least one nice thing for someone every day.

NOW. obviously, if anyone knows me, i do not own any pink. and hardly any red. and i dance three days a week and that determines my wardrobe more than a silly holiday does, haha...

ALSO. all of this chocolate is probably going to ruin my new "kate moss philosophy" that i have decided to instigate in my life (nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.)

AND LASTLY. everyone knows how music is to me. though there are lost of break-up songs out there, they can, in a way, be seen as love songs. (just think about it, logically, it makes sense, right? yup, told you!!)

SO. i will have these rules as an outline (guidelines?) for my celebration of the 14 days of valentines. like i said, maybe one day i'll celebrate it just the way lynette does...

lynette has converted many a friend to this new holiday, and i'm so excited for what i will learn over these next 2 weeks. in the following posts, (which... i can tell you there will be a lot to come due to recent events and the many thoughts that are plaguing my mind about life) i will share all of my insights and new loves that i gain in the following days.

feel free to join me in loving :)

where are you christmas?

my favorite part of college is the end of fall semester. finals are over and i don't have to work and i can just go home and veg for two weeks and just... enjoy the feeling of christmas and being with my family. unfortunately this year... it was very different. i'm still not sure how i feel about it...

a few weeks ago my family was so wonderful to fly to utah to see me and my older brother in our different performances the first weekend. i had my folk dance show and evan had his choir concert. that sunday was our grandma's birthday so we got to have all of my dad's side together for a night. that was really nice :)

saturday night after our shows, evan and i drove to stay the night at my grandma's house. i always love sleeping at my grandma's! i head straight for the m&m jar, then make my way back to grandma's tv room to give her a big hug. i am the only child that gets an actual room to sleep in - the boys get pull-out couches, haha.

sunday morning, my parents walked in at 8:30am to wake me up, but they could tell i was exhausted. i had set my alarm for 9, and though i heard them come in, i pretended to still be asleep - because that's where i wanted to be. they let me sleep until 9, then they came in to wake me up again. as they left, they told me to hurry out so they could talk to us. i had no idea what was going on, but was too tired to really care. i plopped down on the chair in grandma's piano room, half-awake. i forget whether it was mom or dad that said it all...

they sold our house. sold it. their initial plan was to come and just tell us that the house was on the market (like it had been the past two months...) they found out in the airport on their way to utah that it had sold. the sale was closing the end on january and... they were looking for a place to move to, but all the houses they initially wanted were sold out from under them. they weren't sure what they were going to do.

i just sat there. i couldn't look at my parents. i had so many thoughts racing, i could't stop one for a second to make sense of it. i just sat there in tears. there was no way to hide it, either. i looked up at my mom for a second and she felt my pain. i hate to say it, but i don't think my mother had felt pain in this situation until then. she never really liked the house, i don't think. she had been wanting to move for years. and it didn't take her long after remodeling the kitchen to continue to complain about the house and how small it was... i wanted to be able to bring my children home to the house that i grew up in -- just like my dad did. he lived in my grandma's house every single day until he went to college. another reason i love this house so much is because when i'm here... i feel like ryan is here. there are so many memories of him around the house: the dent in the wall where he hit his head on the wall; the pantry where he would stand and eat cereal shamelessly; the stain on the carpet where he opened my yellow medicine bottle and dumped it all over... not to mention the neighbors that know our family - even ryan - and our history. mom knew i would be upset... evan seemed bummed, but all he said was "its just a house..." all sean could do was talk about the pool they were gonna get...

since the house was on the market, they told us that when we came home for christmas, things were going to be different. first of all, there's the monstrous and depressing sign out front... thankfully, there's not a SOLD sign at the bottom. i don't know where it is, but i don't think i could handle it if it were there... furniture is in storage; things are moved around to make it more 'spacious'. christmas is mostly still in boxes; all of the decorations just made the house look 'cluttered'. pictures of christ and our family and history had been removed from the walls; the white walls were to 'reflect more light' and 'make it more personable' for others - like its their blank canvas or something.

as sad as it was to hear it, it was nice to have the warning. had i come home and been given no warning, there would have been... who knows what kind of a reaction. i must admit though, one of my favorite things about coming home for christmas is going from no christmas decorations to an overwhelming amount. but not this year... no lights outside. no carolers. no lights above the kitchen cabinets. not even christmas music... I KNOW! my mom wanted a new display case for the TV and other such things... so my dad built one and painted it black. it looks very nice but... then they decided to get a new TV. which really isn't the problem... the problem is that my mom hated the sound system that we had, so she had my dad take it down. its currently sitting in the garage... so we have no way to listen to our christmas music. we can play one CD at a time on the blu-ray player... but that's it. its just... not the same.

that's something i keep saying to myself this time around. about a lot of things. not just the house, not just christmas. construction is always being done in tucson; its always changing and it hasn't been the same since i left. every time i come home, i have fewer friends to spend time with. not that i don't enjoy time with my family but... there are so many memories of friends as i drive and think of other past memories and i'd love to at least catch up with old friends but... none of them seem interested. and even the ones that are still here and could possibly be interested... married. marriage gets the best of all of 'em. gah.

i just wish i'd had one last normal, traditional christmas in this house, knowing it would be that last. i would give anything for that.