reminiscing...

so lately, i've been thinking a lot.

i know, right? i know what you're thinking:

"uh-oh..."

well, there are two reasons i've been doing all of this thinking:

1) i just graduated from college. freak! that's five years all summed up on a piece of paper with my name on it and a stamp that makes it look all official-like - and i haven't even seen it yet! i had it mailed to my parents because i had no idea where i'd be living this summer. no idea where life would take me... but that's beside the point... kinda... the point here is: five years. i wish i remembered every, every minute of it. its times like this that i want to slap myself silly for being terrible at keeping a journal. there are so many experiences, now only memories, that brought me to where i am now. whether its classes, relationships, jobs, teams, roommates, friends... they all worked together to give me some of the best years of my life. and...

2) those five years began five years ago. this week. exactly. its kinda trippy, actually... summer term 2007. dang. (for those of you that truly know me, you know i have a weird way of remembering dates and anniversaries of things. it probably correlates with my obsession with planners, haha...)

so.

to make up for all of those years that i never kept a journal and all i have left are my planners with 'detailed notes' of things... and random notes, cards, pictures, and movie ticket stubs... i'm hoping to piece those all together. it'll be a crazy trip down memory lane... but i'm excited. excited to look back. see where i was, where i am now, and who i've become.

also, because of this, i'll be making my blog private... not that any of you really read it anyway, haha. (...probably because i never really write anything on here either!) but. i'm just going to be writing a lot of personal things here in the next few days... weeks... months... as i go through all of everything from the last five years. this blog will be my catch-up journal. eventually i may make it public again, but by then, there will be so much boring stuff here for you to read, that you won't read it all. ha. ;)

i wish i could post a picture or something of my favorite college memory but... that's impossible. so... this is about all i can put up right now...

i dunno about you, but it appears i'm the only
one in this picture excited to graduate...

this is a picture that my dad snapped during graduation, right before i walked across a stage in a smelly gym to receive my diploma. (you know, that piece of paper with an official looking stamp on it that represents five years of my life...) at this particular moment though, we were asked to find our parents, and thank them for all that they had done for us through ... everything. i, naturally, was brought to tears. because my parents were - and have always - been there for me. not just after those first two hell-ish weeks of summer term... not those multiple times that i was so ready to never go back to byu... but literally always. it makes me so sad to know that there is no way that i can really repay them for all that they have done for me. i only hope that i can take those lessons taught and the aaaalllllllll the love given and give the same to my children and others around me. i owe my parents everything. 

(hey, maybe that's why i had my diploma mailed to them and not me...?)

some much-needed advice: should i be macaulay culkin's mini-golf partner?

so. amidst the stress of finals and whatnot, i keep going back to an experience that i had at work this past week. no - not that terrible one in which i managed to drop the shipment of the shirts that have been on back order for 6 weeks now in a puddle while trying to bring them inside... no, its a happier much moment. an odd one that i will probably never have again, but still a good one.

it was tuesday, and i started work at 3pm. i was working until close, all by my lonesome. it had been a really slow day, as tuesdays usually are. now, when customers come in, i welcome them to the store and ask if they're looking for anything specifically. since it is a women's modest clothing store, typically the women come in in groups to "browse" not looking for anything in particular. but i always giggle to myself a little bit when guys come in looking for something because you can immediately tell they feel so out of place and ... almost uncomfortable. this one mosied (mosy-ed?) on in looking at a brochure of some kind. as was instinct, i welcomed him and asked him if i could help him with anything. he closed the brochure, looked up at me and said, "i hope so, yeah."

uh-oh.

me: "okay, well, what can i do for ya?"
guy: "are you from tennessee?

i was caught off guard by this question... i figured he was confusing me for someone else.

me: "nope. i'm from arizona."
guy: "really? 'cuz you're the only ten i see."

...is this guy for real right now? i couldn't think of anything else to do but ... laugh. he could sense my awkwardness.

guy: "no, but, actually, do you have a phone i could use?"
me: "uh, here, yeah, you can use the store phone."
guy: "great, thanks, i just need to call God really quick and tell him i found one of his missing angels."

again, all i could do was laugh. i couldn't believe this was actually happening! i thanked him for his compliments and apologized for not being more gracious about it. he said that was why he had waited to come in until no one was in the store. (wait... how long was this guy standing out there for??)

guy: "no, but in all seriousness, i am ... in need of a mini-golf partner. i had one, but she got too busy and its just not working out. so... do you like mini-golf?"
me: "like it, yes. am i good at it? not particularly. i do have fun though."
guy: "and that's all i'm asking for! it is mini-golf after all."
me: "then, yeah, i think i could do that."

CRAP. what did i just agree to? why can't i ever say no??

guy: "i do have to tell you though, i'm kinda busy for the next little bit so we might not be able to go right away..."
me: "yeah, i, uh.... yeah..."
guy: "you're married aren't you?"

this guy was serious!! it was at this point that i started to feel bad for him. haha, oh dear. i told him i wasn't married, but that i also was busy and it may take us awhile to figure out a time to work this out. i told him finals and graduation were coming up and life was busy with rehearsals with my team and then going on tour for a month... he cut me off before i really got to it all though.

guy: "do you go to byu?"
me: "yes, i do."
guy: "okay, well, i feel like i should tell you this. normally i don't worry about this off the bat but... i'm a darwinist."

he could see the confusion on my face, haha. i had no idea what that meant.

guy: "i was raised mormon, but i don't believe in that church anymore. i'm a darwinist. i just know that mormon's generally date mormons and i just wanted to make you aware ... that ... this is mini-golfing. partners. not dating. so it doesn't really matter, right?"

i caught his drift and suddenly ... i had a lot more respect for this guy. weird? anyway, we went on to exchange names (his name is chris) and he went out on a limb and gave me his number, not asking for mine or even hinting for it. (i put his name in my phone as chris, the darwinist who is in need of a mini-golf partner. yes. its really all there.) we talked a little more aside from that, he continued to compliment me and how i looked, and i awkwardly tried to accept his compliments.

so basically... i don't know what to do. i don't think i'll have time to go mini-golfing before tour on the 27th... is it worth it to contact this guy? part of me wonders if i should trust him...? i mean, i don't even know him! he's just a random macaulay culkin look-alike that walked into my store and told me i was the most beautiful girl in the mall and he had to make sure i knew. (yeah. holy cow. don't think that's true...!) and so part of me thinks this would be a totally awkward ... not date. but then there's the other part of me that thinks i could have a lot of fun with him, haha. i just can't decide which part is more pressing...

just livin' the dream.

i don't know if you all have noticed, but i'm pretty dang blessed. unfortunately, i've gotten caught up in... just... life lately, and i've either forgotten or become completely unaware of my amazing life.

guys, i'm freaking living my dream!! i can't believe i forget this. since i can remember, i've wanted to come to BYU and perform with the folk dance team. along the way - and just in the folk dance program - i've met so many fantastic people...

8 WSC - Winter '09

9 WSC - Fall '09

SPAC - Winter '10

BackPac - Fall '10

10 WSC "Pirates" - Winter '11

SPAC 2011

PAC! Fall '11

10 WSC - Winter '12

Freaking PAAAC - Winter '12

each and every team - whether i was actually on the team or just the TA - has been a complete blessing to me. the people that i met were the ones needed to help me make it through the trials that i would face that semester. ...when i take a step back and think about things, i realize just how blessed i am to be at BYU and doing what i've always wanted to. it was a two-part dream, and both parts were hard for me to achieve. i have been taking them for granted. now that i have literally TWENTY FOUR DAYS UNTIL GRADUATION (holy heck...) i'm realizing just how soon this will be ending. and just how badly i don't want it to...

also, the past few days, i've been kinda really homesick. i haven't told anyone this but... yes. utah is great and all, but its inconsistent weather tendencies, well... i've had enough. with my self-diagnosed SAD disorder  there are days when some good ol' arizona sunshine is all i need. and maybe a hug or two from my family.

i love my family. 

hilarious, quirky, musical, loving... 

always there. for me. for each other.  

from evan and annette's wedding reception in AZ back in october.
(i'm in 3in heels and my little brother is still taller than me... i don't think i'll ever get used to that.)

these are just two things (of the many) that i'm thankful for today:
my family at home and my family away from home - my folk dance family.  

"day two" (alright... we'll pretend that's true.)

i love to laugh.

and i mean, who doesn't?

obviously, this little guy does. 

and clearly... so does this guy.

how can you look at those pictures and not smile?

i really don't think its possible!!

in high school, i had a really close group of friends. when we all graduated, one friend in that group wrote a short story about all of us just hanging out one night, doing "typical" things. she took a little time to describe each of us in the story. in my paragraph, she noted my love of laughing:

" Kelsey laughs at things that amuse her - 

and she doesn't care if that amusing thing happened to take place at the funeral of the Pope."

yes, it is very true. sometimes i laugh so much, i can be irreverent. my apologies. also, sometimes, it may appear as if i'm laughing at you, personally. i promise, i'm not. i'll get up and help you out... but only after i've had a good laugh, haha. 

as a lot of you know, i have this laugh... its kind of silent... for a looong time. and then suddenly... there is this atrocious noise that escapes my throat. i have no idea how it happens... all i know is that there comes a point when i need air, and it is at that exact moment that my absolutely hideous "foghorn" laugh appears. over the years, i've gained control over the foghorn. but sometimes, when i'm really tired, i just can't... and then i can't stop. and its bad. the only good that comes from it, is that it makes others laugh as well. so, i guess i can't complain too much about it :) 

what's funny to me? well, inside jokes are great and all but recently... i just enjoy laughing at things that deserve to be laughed at. like this. and this. and what about this? (oh, and if you've got a few hours, be sure to check out this hilarious blog that i wish i had written and this amazing HP musical that i want to keep to myself but...let's be honest - its just too good not to share!!) you want more? believe me, i got more. just ask!

yes, all of the above deserve a good laugh. hopefully one was able to at least make you smile!

:)

day 5 of 14... but really, its like its day 1. only its not... really...

its the 5th of february. i know, i fail at celebrating the 14 days of valentines and i haven't posted or even shared with anyone a single thought about love all month. and we're kinda almost halfway through the two week holiday. fail. i apologize. but love is all about forgiveness, right? so... apology accepted. 

anywho, for those of you confused, a few years ago i became acquainted with a certain wonderful woman named lynette. she does this really weird thing during the month of february where she celebrates valentine's day for the first 14 days of the month. that's right. she found a way to not be in the least bit miserable for one day, and instead found 14 days to grow and become better as a person. i was so intrigued, i had to try. now, because i'm not nearly as studious as lynette, i fear i will never go all-out as she does. i'm not saying i can't - for i am trying. but its just a little hard when life is as crazy as it is. 

so anyway, for those of you interested/curious/still confused about all of this, i have copied and pasted the following from lynette's blog post introducing the holiday (which, FYI, the entire blog is amazing, btw. read any and all posts if you have the chance. she never ceases to amaze...or make you laugh!)

...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...

Here's how you celebrate the 14 days of Valentines (the 1-14 of February. Obviously.)

1. Wear something pink or red every day (purple counts if you're desperate) **kelsey here: i'm always desperate since i kind of really hate pink and i hardly own any red. but purple looks really good on me!!**
2. Eat some chocolate every day.
3. Find a new love quote everyday (any kind of love, romantic love, friend love, gospel love, it all works)
4. Read other talks, articles, etc. on love.
5. Listen to love songs. Obviously. NO breakup songs. That is like the cardinal sin of Valentine's day, only slightly behind wearing black on V-day, that's just blasphemous people.
And finally.
6. SHOW love by doing at least one nice thing for someone every day.

Valentine's Day is true people. And I truly believe that if you practice it with love in your heart for EVERYONE and really give service (and eat chocolate) then you will love Valentine's Day as much as I.

...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   

if you are as curious as i was, then go for it. just give it a go. it can't hurt anyone, right? to try and love more...? didn't think so. even if you just keep your experiences to yourself, so long as you take note of them, the amount of love in your heart will grow and expand... and soon, you won't be able to keep it to yourself. and then, like me, you'll continue to choose to be loving and happy for 14 days instead of miserable for 1 every year in february :) 

**also, i just realized, you can "change the day" that you post things. so i'm going to be a cheater during the month of love. (don't forget, forgiving is loving!!)**

the tupperware theory.

tupperware. 

there is a growing epidemic in my apartment relating to our tupperware collection: we seem to have run out of lids. or was it that we ran out of containers? either way, its never a good situation.

...unless this is the outcome:

this recent epidemic has reminded me of "the tupperware theory" that my good friend shannon hensley (now HERMANA hensley! yay!) idea-ed up a few years back. its quite genius if i do say so myself. it goes as follows:

it takes two to make a couple. you know how you see those couples that you watch walk by and you think, "boy, i sure am glad they found each other because...they sure as heck would not work with anyone else." yeah? you've seen those, right? cuz i sure have. you know, the ones that are just literally way. too. weird. or odd. or, dare i say it... just... not attractive. in the least. but yet you see the two of them together, and being together is what makes them happy. 

(now. here's where the tupperware comes in...!)

it takes two things to complete a tupperware: a container and a lid. now, separately, these people are a star-shaped tupperware and a star-shaped tupperware lid. there is no way that you would even try to fit a round or, heaven forbid, a square or rectangle tupperware lid with that square-shaped one. you just know that it won't work! you've known it since preschool - there's no sense in trying to ignore it. 

to take the analogy/theory/thing a little further: most tupperware are square- or rectangle-shaped. this means that there are many lids of similar shapes, but since they're made from different brands, they just doooon't fit right. you know, when you're fighting to get that laaast corner down, but no matter how hard you try, they just were not meant to go together...

to go even further: regardless of how tall or short the tupperware may be, the lid may still be one to fit many other tupperware - regardless of how tall or short. it just so happens that that is the lid that you grabbed and that is what you need at the time...

these last two analogies more fit with my beliefs of "the tupperware theory" (which, lets be honest here, should really be called "the dating/relationship theory"...) i do not believe in soul mates. i believe that choices and timing lead people to the person that is best meant for them with the decisions they have made in their lives and they will continue to make for their lives. now, this does not mean that everyone/just anyone is meant for you. there are obvious ones that won't work (like the star and square, and the lid that just doesn't fit after everything you have tried [hey, that's a big deal, okay?]) so long as you can work toward one strong, common goal/purpose (keeping your food/sanity in there!) i believe that a relationship can work. i really do.

...

alas, this is my random thought for the day. its not perfect but...take it as you will. the end. 

incomplete.

wondering why i haven't posted in awhile?

well.

i have this problem where i start things and don't finish. seriously. i have about 10 blog posts saved but they're not complete. and i go back to read them, and the passion behind them is gone, so there's no way i can finish them.

man., they would have been so good, too...

blah.

oh well...

maybe i'll go back and try again with some of them. maybe. probably not though...

we'll see.

moral of the story is... don't be a quitter.

unless you want to be like me.

the end.

new beginnings.

today, i begin anew. brand new. its time for some changes in my life; re-vamp. goals will be set, experiences will be had, and knowledge will be gained... i'm tired of feeling this way, and the only one who can fix it is me. so imma do it. i'll need a little help, but you can't help me. or you. unless its in support and encouragement. that, i could use. its totally do-able, because its been done before. i'm so set on this... it will take time and patience, but the end result will make it all worth it... anyone or anything that holds me back just can't be a part of my life. by the end of this, i will be a new person. the type of person that i want to be; the best version of me.

life as i know it.

so.

in case you haven't figured it out yet...

i'm really busy.

this is what keeps me from writing. here. and period. i haven't had much time to think lately due to... life. 

hopefully someday soon my life will calm down. though, then, i fear, i will become bored. and i HATE being bored...

so what exactly am i doing to be so busy, you ask? well. let me tell you.

i go to school at BYU and am a part of this amazing thing called the International Folk Dance Ensemble. I am currently on the back-up team, and we have been working hard all semester to put together our showcase to take to elementary school around the state of utah. this is my second time on this team, and i am SO lucky and SO blessed to have it again and to have 32 MORE best friends :) have no fear, i will post pictures and love from my adventures this late april/may with my fellow SPAC-ers.

ALSO. because i go to BYU, school is ridiculous. we recently had finals and the last few weeks of class are always filled with finishing final projects, papers and other tests of our knowledge (or lack thereof...) so. i've been working my tail off with that... also, add to that a new position at work (they "promoted" me to be a lead over custodial, and they - just this week - [actually] promoted me to *loud echo-y announcer's voice* STUDENT MANAGERRR.). so. needless to say, life has been pretty hectic lately.

i took a nice break this last weekend to go home ans visit family. it was a three-fer: easter weekend, my little brother's eagle project and also his birthday! (not exactly - its actually tomorrow - but we had a small party for him, don't worry!) there were events that happened this weekend that are both happy and sad. they really got me thinking about a lot of things... so. i'll have to share those.

well, its 11:11pm (make a wish!) and i need to get to bed. another long day tomorrow! 4 shows. it will literally be an ALL DAY adventure. i'm so excited. sleep is a much-needed necessity (redundant?) for an adventure.

i love you all. peace and blessings.

thin.

everyone, i'd like you to meet my good friend, bilbo baggins.

everyone say, "hi, bilbooo!" *hears chorus of "hi, bilbooo!"*

i have brought bilbo here today to explain just a little bit about how i'm feeling on this day.

actually, how i've been feeling A LOT lately...

despite his appearance as an old, crazy man, he is actually an old... crazy... hobbit. BUT. his craziness has made him wise. and his age... his age made him wise as well... but because of his craziness he is older than he should be... alas, i digress... the main idea here: bilbo is wise.

my good friend, in all his wiseness, once said: 

"I'm old... I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart.

I feel... thin. Sort of stretched, like... butter scraped over too much bread."

boooooy, is that how i feel. this semester has just been nuts! i thought i could handle it but...

it was really rough. there were a lot of days where i was like this: 

 

(baaaahahahaha, i just think that's such a great picture.

sorry its so big. i just couldn't resist...!)

what did bilbo do to remedy days like those seen above? 

he left. 

he left it aalllll behind...

 

"I need a holiday.

A very long holiday.

And I don't expect I shall return.

In fact I mean not to."

 what does all of this mean? it means that

TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY OF CLASSES. 

halle-freakin'-lujah.

unfortunately, i will be returning at the end of my very long holiday.

and i will be working through my holiday.

BUT.

there will be A LOT of playing mixed in with it.

AND I CAN'T WAIT!!!